My very first job out of college was as a consumer loan officer at a mid sized credit union in the Dallas area. The branch where I was located was one street over from the huge facility where employees in the oil and gas research industry were members. Back in those days, credit unions served a very specific membership base. We were always the busiest when the employees went out to lunch and going home after work. We got to know our members (customers) very well, even as much their families.
I loved it. We had a real sense of community in our little branch in the suburbs!
A big part of my job back then was getting members pre-approved for car loans. This was when we had to use a dial up modem to run credit reports! And fax machines to send the car dealers my approval letters!
GASP!
Fax machines?
I’m so ancient!
Photo Credit CarGurus
Anyway, there was a certain time when for whatever reason, I was getting faxes from the Mazda dealers in town on a pretty regular basis. Our members were buying 1993 Mazda RX 7’s all of a sudden. It was the first FD model which were considered ahead of its time in the sports car world. Or so I was told by the salesman I got to know really well who’s name seem to be on most of the faxes I was receiving!
I was so busy. Between approving loans and talking to the car salesmen and getting driven around in the new cars by the members that would want to show them off, I couldn’t keep up!
It was getting kinda comical because when I heard the beep of an incoming fax, I would try to guess the color of the RX 7 that would sure to be coming across the fax machine that day.
Would it be red, yellow, black or white one?
The tellers and I were starting to take side bets on what color it would be! And I started to realize the only people buying these sports cars were men in their mid 40’s and 50’s.
Being 25 years old at the time, I didn’t realize what was really happening.
I now know that they were all going through a midlife crisis! They were men from all back grounds and education levels. It didn’t matter. As I was approving them for their kid’s college loans, I was also approving them to buy a new sports car!
As my kids have gotten older and we approach that empty nest time in our lives, I can’t help but think back on those men and what they were going through and wanting to stop time and maybe recapture some of their youth.
I overheard my daughter telling her friend, “don’t mind my mom, she’s going through a midlife crisis because I will be leaving for college in a year and a half!”
I have always joked about this to all of my family. She was just repeating to her friend what I have said to her for years.
But this time it is different because it so close and REAL.
My husband and I were just high 5’ing each other because our oldest child graduated college in 4 years, had no car wrecks, got no one pregnant and secured a full time job with benefits and is living in an apartment by himself in Austin.
Man, we felt like we won at parenting! And we did. He’s a great son.
We both know that there is so much more change that is coming up with the twins graduating next year.
Midlife is hard. And no one really tells you just how hard it is. Between raising kids, taking care of your parents and even losing siblings and classmates that you’ve known since you were in kindergarten; it’s awful, y’all! It can wreck havoc on your world if you don’t prepare yourself emotionally and physically. Yes, physically because it’s better to exercise your stress than eat too many tacos!
I have had so many friends that were such good parents and after their kids left the nest, they didn’t know each other as a couple anymore. And if you think midlife is hard, can you imagine adding divorce in the mix?
The big Stud and I have been making one another a priority lately. We learned from the first kid to leave for college that the dynamics change when one child leaves. It’s best to build up a reserve of strength and love to prepare for all the emotions that go along with sending your kids out in the world. It leaves a big whole in your heart. When my son left for Iowa to go to college and play football, I swear I walked by his room and sulked and then would sit on his bed and wonder if he was missing his momma too. (the answer would be no!) Our jobs as parents is to make them as independent as possible but it’s still a huge adjustment.
I guess my point in all of this is to let you know that as strong as you think your marriage is for all that goes on in midlife, talk to each other about what each person expects in the next phase of your relationship, life and marriage.
Having truthful and open conversations is never easy, but nothing is ever easy when it comes to building healthy and honest relationships. Hell, you should know that if you’ve made it this far in life.
Over the years, my friends and family have asked me for advice on many things. Maybe because I try to be as honest as possible and not hurt their feelings with the truth! I guess that’s where my nickname “Sassy” came from! And this little blog that gives you random advice on all sorts of things.
Everyone needs a friend like that to tell you the truth! So if you are dreading the empty nest or your kids moving off to college and notice someone in your house shopping for a sports car all of a sudden, it might be time to ask them, “Honey, what color is your midlife crisis?”
And for your information, my husband’s sports car is white!
Stay Sassy Y’all.
Leave a Reply