The Black Sheep of the Family

I’ve been thinking about my sister Liz a lot lately.

It will be 11 years ago today that we lost her to triple negative breast cancer.

I hate cancer.

It just really sucks.

She became a grandmother this year.

She would so proud of her son and her daughter in law.

They are such great parents. And when I hold her sweet grand baby and see pictures of her I can see that same twinkle that Liz always had throughout her life.

Her daughter is getting married soon to someone she met in college. He treats her so well and has such a wonderful family.

I can’t wait to see her walk down the aisle. She is so beautiful and smart, just like her mother Liz.

When you grow up with a large family like mine, you get asked a lot of questions. It’s usually about how many brothers and sisters you have and what number where you in line. When Liz was asked that question, she always responded that she was number 5 and  jokingly added ‘the black sheep of the family.”

It seemed to have a negative connotation in my child’s mind. Since growing up and being a parent myself, I know that it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Liz was that person that wasn’t afraid to push the envelope. Yes, it was way out of the boundaries of our family that were a bunch of rule followers for her to drive down the breezeway of our high school in her VW bug. She was throwing out firecrackers until  the path narrowed down until her car got stuck. The shop students next door ran out to pick up the car.  It allowed her to make a getaway and not get caught!

It was a legendary event.

Our dad got wind of it and he was so mad that I thought he would have a heart attack right then and there!

There were so many stories like that one. She was adventurous and loved life. She felt confined in her small town and wanted to find her place in the world.

When she graduated high school she drove that same VW bug to New York City because she wanted to act on Broadway. Liz and a friend couldn’t afford rent in the city so they found a barn to live in the country on an apple orchard. They were allowed to live in the barn as long as they agreed to  pick apples for the harvest. They made just enough money to eat and put gas in the car.

I mean, who does that?

She went from this little bitty town in East Texas to the Big Apple. She just wanted to see if she could make a go of it!

She was so fearless.

She came back home after much prodding from our parents and would eventually meet her husband in drama class of all places. He was in the oil business and life carried them all over Texas: Levelland, Denver City and Magnolia. She eventually got her degree in education and her first job was as a special education teacher. After having two kids and obtaining her PhD in education, she knew she wanted to eventually be superintendent of a school district one day.

But soon after, she would become a single mother. And life got harder.

Her job was always important to her but her kids were the ultimate passion for her. She somehow juggled it all. 

Being a director in education, she wrote grants and came up with programs that were out of the box. Even when she had a lot of push back on her ideas, she kept finding ways to get things done. The tests scores were always improved whenever she was involved in making changes.

She eventually found a job in our hometown of Kilgore to be around family. It was indeed a blessing when she got the cancer diagnosis. Our mom was with her for every single chemo treatment. I think they were both in denial that she could die from her diagnosis. She was working on her laptop in her hospital room when the doctor first uttered the dreaded word “hospice.”

Liz had just one more grant that she wanted to submit.

She turned in her final  grant six days before she passed away.

That was our sister:  driven, focused and determined. She was also funny, brilliant and beautiful right up until the day she went to be with Jesus.

I miss her so much. Especially when I see her son holding his newborn baby girl. And her daughter showing us her new engagement ring and making wedding plans. Liz would be right in the middle of it all because family meant so much to her.

Our sister might have jokingly considered herself the black sheep of our family but I have now realized it wasn’t in a negative way. 

Sometimes you take a different route in trying to figure out your path in life. She didn’t get her bachelor’s degree until thirties and her PhD in her forties. She was never afraid of being the only person with a certain opinion in the room. She always stood by her beliefs and desire to help all of her students.

She was a rebel, a maverick and a force of nature. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if her life wasn’t cut so short by her rare form of breast cancer.

So now we are tasked with letting her grandchildren know what a remarkable woman their grandma was and that being a black sheep just might be a badge of honor! But maybe we should warn them that throwing firecrackers out of your car window in the breezeway of your school isn’t a good idea. I mean, they have cameras these days!

We Miss You Liz.

You were truly one of a kind.

Stay Sassy Y’all.