Advice for a Twentysomething Single Gal

This morning, I read the headlines that Helen Gurley Brown passed away at the age of 90.

I found myself thinking about what an impact she had on my life and the life of so many other young women. I have four older sisters and one of them was bound to buy the latest edition of Cosmopolitan Magazine and bring it home and hide it in their room. I would always find it and read it from cover to cover. I just knew that our mother would not approve since the articles were a little racy for our little part of the world in East Texas.

Mrs. Brown  was the Editor of the magazine while I was an avid reader. Her editorials in each issue made me aspire to a life outside of my small town. My dream was to move to a big city and have a career and live on my own. Her mantra was that women could have it all as long as they worked hard. She didn’t find marriage a necessity and gave women permission to put their careers first.

I did eventually move to Dallas and spend many successful years as a loan officer. I lived on my own and had plenty of money in the bank when I married at the age of 29.

I hadn’t read an issue of the magazine in years until a hair appointment a year or so ago. It was the only magazine left unread and I still had about 45 minutes of the hair stylist being finished.

I remember it so vividly because I found the articles so humorous that I posted the headlines of that issue on Facebook to my mostly forty something year old friends to enjoy. I couldn’t find the original post on my personal FB page so I will use today’s headlines from the Cosmopolitan Online Edition www.cosmopolitan.com   I find  these just as funny being a woman who has now been married for 18 years.

These are the featured stories and headlines from their webpage this morning:

“Why Every Woman Needs a Gaggle of Guys”

“The Sign That Justin Was Perfect for Jennifer”

“Wow Him Every Single Time”

“Steamy Ways to Turn Him On”

“Sexy Scents That Bring Him Closer”

“Date Night Dresses That No Man Can Resist”

“How To Read His Beach Body Language”

“The Sensual Massage He’s Never Had Before”

I say that they are funny but I actually find them rather disturbing and far from the mission of the magazine that I remember reading as a single gal in the city.

Why are the majority of the articles in a young woman’s magazine about how to please a man? Please tell me that if I go buy the issue that there will be career tips or some other sort of positive focus for women besides how to fix their hair to attract a date.

How did we stray so far away from Helen Gurley Brown’s original message?  She advocated for women to seek careers and make their own money so they can remain independent and therefore have choices.  Do these current article and headline topics hold up to her mantra?

I remember the years in my twenties of dating and desperately hoping to find the perfect man and live happily ever after just as these articles allude to. Why after all these years, is it still the focus for young women? Two of my  longest relationships ended with me catching one of my boyfriends cheating and the other one moved out of state for a new job. We eventually broke up because it was too hard to keep a long distance relationship alive and quite frankly, I probably hung on way too long.

It was at that time of heartbreak that I decided to focus on my happiness and not seek out a relationship. The next three years were dateless but by far the happiest of my years of being in my twenties. I put no pressure on myself of finding love or the perfect man. It would become a turning point in my life.

I would eventually meet my husband on a blind date. When we married a year later, I had a career and plenty of money in the bank.

Now, eighteen years later, I am still married, have given birth to three children and made a total career change with this blog.

I have found myself offering advice to my readers through mistakes that I have made in the past. I tell my nieces that are now twenty something’s these exact same pieces of advice. This knowledge was gained from my own personal experiences and those influenced partly by Helen Gurley Brown so many years ago.

Here are my Sassy Tips for a Girl in her Twenties:

*You do not have to have a man to make you complete

*Never dump your girlfriends because you have a new boyfriend

*There is no such thing as happily ever after

*Marriage is a lot of work: so don’t do it if you aren’t up for it

*If you are selfish then you should stay single

*Don’t ever think that you can fix your man the way you want him

*Save money. Money gives you power and most importantly, options.

*Be smart with your money. Material things are just that, material.

*Make your list of your idea of the perfect man and then throw it away, it is unreasonable to think that any one person can meet your every expectation

*Don’t judge on looks only-smart is sexier all day long

*Climb the career ladder now because it will be much harder if you ever have a spouse and/or kids

*Read, travel, explore because it is in these experiences that you will begin to find your own voice

*Don’t let your family or friends guilt you into a relationship with expectations that you should marry or have kids by a certain age  

*Aspire to have it all but don’t be disappointed when you realize that something will always have to give; whether it’s career, marriage, kids or relationships

*And above all else, enjoy the journey

Rest in Peace Helen Gurley Brown.

May your passing provoke conversations on whether there are enough sources in the media for young women to seek inspiration in knowing that they do ultimately have choices; regardless of the articles that are found in the current issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine.

We miss you already.