My Two Reasons to Live Fearlessly

Yesterday, I had the privilege of speaking to first year medical students enrolled at UT Health Science Center. The topic was about death and dying. The professors wanted the students to experience personal stories after almost a full year of studying textbooks.  This isn’t a new program and has been going on for many years. I found it rather ironic that my Daddy who was a practicing physician for almost 40 years and my sister who had obtained her Ph.D in Education would be the ones whose stories I would be sharing in this teaching environment. They had both lost their battle with cancer; although fifteen years apart.

I was asked to do this after I wrote a post about my sister Liz. I almost didn’t publish it because I thought it was too personal. I ended up doing so after thinking about a dear friend who had just informed me that hospice had been called for her Dad. He had been fighting a battle with cancer and it was evident that his time to leave this life was near. I wanted to share with her the depth of which her faith was about to take her. I had witnessed two family members passing away and my desire for her was to not be afraid. It is hard to watch one of your loved ones in so much pain but the experience is one that you will never forget.

My wish was to convey to the students that death is not just a clinical experience. It is very much a spiritual one. Not only do the families have to prepare to lose their loved ones, they also have to give them permission to let go. Terminal illness is a process and the students need to be aware that they are setting the tone for the families on how to conclude this long and painful journey. My hope is that they will do this with both dignity and respect for all the patients they encounter throughout their careers.

In talking with the other participants in the UTHSC class yesterday, their stories were very similar. They had all seen a glimpse of God on their loved ones faces in their journey home.

My faith had already been deepened after experiencing this miracle with my Daddy and most recently, my sister. It all culminated in bringing life and death together for me. I now know in my heart that I will truly be with them again. And I am not afraid. The purity of those couple of seconds is what is now feeding my soul and helping my entire family heal in their loss. I feel so blessed to have been able to experience it. The sheer beauty of the vision of God on my Daddy and sister’s faces is something I will never forget.

I hope the medical students reflect back on the story they once heard from a total stranger in their first year of medical school when they diagnose their first patient with cancer or some other terminal disease. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity. They are not their disease; in the end, we are all children  of God.

I created Livin’ Sassy in large part because of my sister Liz. She made me promise to do something with my humor. You are reading this post in large part because of her. She gave me the courage to live fearlessly. My most recent example is turning down a job even though we could really use the money.  A couple of days after I declined to go back to work, I clicked on my daily report for the website. There was a huge jump in numbers in a 24- hour period.  It was at that very moment that I felt Liz’s hand on my shoulder. This was the first time that I had ever felt her presence around me since her death. I know she purposely picked that exact moment to show me that she believes in what I am trying to create in Livin’ Sassy.

Although, I may never make any profit off of this website, just the act of believing in myself is more than enough for me. My instinct would have normally been to take the job and earn the money at underwriting loans; something that I would be very comfortable with. The fact that my husband believes in me too and is willing to give me more time; which ultimately means more days on a tight budget speaks volumes.

I never would have had the opportunity to tell Daddy and Liz’s story to the medical students had I not had this website. The experience of being able to reach out to the world has been nothing but surreal. Although I may never get more readers, followers or likes in this whole experiment that is Livin’ Sassy, I know in my heart that it has all been worth it and that I made a difference yesterday. None of the students had experienced a death before hearing us speak. My prayer is that they never forget what they heard and that the vision of God’s love radiated through me.

Thank you for believing in me too.

God is so very good.