And For This I Am Eternally Grateful

I talked to a large group of first year medical students at UT Health Science Center this past Wednesday about my experiences with death and dying.

It was such a wonderful opportunity last year to share my loved ones’ stories. I knew that my perspective was unique in that my parents met while my dad was in medical school and my mom was in nursing school.

To be honest, I  almost didn’t go. When I first got the email about speaking again this year, it had only been about 5 months since my mom had passed away. The pain was still so raw. How could I possibly get through it?

When I emailed their staff back about my hesitation, of course they were very understanding. It is a wonderful program for the students. They have been studying textbooks all year and this is their first experience in talking to actual people about their experiences in a loved one’s death. They hear all kinds of stories because every family is different as well as every instance of death.

I only changed my mind this past week. I thought about how proud my mom was after I told her about my experience last year. And when I went home last summer to visit, I noticed how tattered the pages were from the print out that my sister had given to Mom. She never wanted to get Internet access or a computer so she would only get copies of my posts after my sister Janie would hand deliver them to her. It was very obvious that she had read them over and over.

How could I not share her story?

Their stories?

I knew I would be the only family member that was going to speak about not only one death of a family member but three; two people who had careers in the medical field and an educator.  A doctor, a nurse, and a woman that had her Ph.D in Education. My sister died of a very rare form of breast cancer at the age of 51. I was to speak about Daddy, Mom and Liz.

I was more than honored to keep their memories alive. In that plain classroom from a simple chair, I told of their life experiences as well as their deaths. I don’t know that I was eloquent and I choked back a lot of tears. They all lived with such passion and purpose. Would my words be enough to relay my message that there is beauty to be found in death?

I again realized what a gift I had been given in being their daughter and sister. My parents taught us to see not only the beauty in life but even in death.

Being able to see that look of God on their faces in the split second that their souls left this earth is forever imprinted in my mind.

It gives me comfort. It gives me hope. It fuels my faith.

My prayer was to convey to these medical students that death is a spiritual experience and not just a clinical one. My prayer was to open their minds as well as their hearts to the possibility in recognizing this with their future patients. My prayer was that this group of medical students will continue in their studies and become wonderful physicians in their chosen field of study.

Life is such a gift.

I hope I honored them in the way they deserved and in how they lived their lives.

And in how they gracefully they left this earth.

I am forever grateful in God’s grace for allowing me to be witness to HIS vision on my loved ones’ faces as they made their journey home.

It has allowed me to subdue fears not only among my friends but my readers as they are approaching the difficult task of calling in hospice. It is very surreal in coming to grips with the finality of losing your family members.

It is my prayer that in my words, others will find some clarity in approaching the time of being with their loved ones without the fear of death. My prayer is that they will be able to witness the beauty in those final moments. My prayer is that their heart heals from the pain of loss and be able to reflect back on the experience without tears but a renewed appreciation of life.

Life is indeed a journey.

My journey started by being born a child of two remarkable healers. I grew up in a large, and faithful family.

I was able to witness my parents giving of themselves on a daily basis throughout their entire lives.

It is my prayer that I will always remember.

It is my prayer that as long as I am still on this journey,  I will never forget.

And for this, I am eternally grateful.

Stay Sassy Y’all.